蝴蝶之舞飞啊飞
范文一：英语幽默对话
英语幽默对话
经典对话一：
男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）
女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。) 经典对话二：
男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）
女：Why? Don’t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？） 经典对话三：
男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
经典对话四：
男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。） 经典对话五：
男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？） 女：Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）
经典对话六：
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？） 女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。） 经典对话七：
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。） 女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）
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范文二：英语幽默对话
英语幽默对话
I：Good morning ,everyone! My name is Lily , I’m honored for this interview .
B: Good morning ,let’s calm down then we ‘ll start our question . Why are you interested in working for our company?
I：Because your operations are global, so I feel I can gain the most from working in this kind of environment.
B: Why did you leave your former company?
I: Because I want to change my working environment, I'd like to find a job which is more challenging.
B: Have you done any work in this field?
I：Yes ,my major is on it .
B: What are your geart strenghs?
I: I'm a hard-working, persistent person.
B: What's you major weak point?
I: I haven't been involved in international business, so I don't have any experience,but I have enough confidence for the challenge!
B: In what specific ways will our company benefit form hiring you?
I: I'm very familiar with this market and have many customers. I think your company will benefit from it.
B：OK, If we hire you ,we’ll give you a call .
I: Ok ,I'll wait for it !
A：Hello ,Kate!
B:Hello.Lily .
A: You look upset ,I heared you have a blind date this morning. How about it ?
B: Nothing could be worse than it .It’ s boring .
A: Oh ,It’s the boy disgusting or what?
B: He is ugly, uneducated and impolite.
A: He must terribly treat you , what does your conclusion come from?
B: He critised my clothing and my hairstyle.He also said I should lose my weight.
A: Oh ,what an annoying boy ,He shouldn't be so impolite .
B: Not only for this ,he is mean and he haven’ t pay the bill yet . A: Oh, you have a bad luck today , but do not mind ,you ‘ll never meet him again!
B: Be sure of that ,as well as the blind date !
A: Don’t be so discouraged , You fortune will come some day ,and you ‘ll find your Mr Right !
B:I hope so !
A: Oh ,it’s time for me to go for a meet .see you !
B:See you !
J:Hi, Jack ,it ‘s a loog tiome to see you ,how about you these days? L:Not bad ,how are you ?
J: Fine ,Could you give me some information about the housing prices in beijing
L:You are asking the right person .My colleague bought a house in beijing last month.
J: Where did he buy his house ?
L:In shijingshan district .
J: How much is it?
L: 20,000yuan per square meter .
J:It’s too expensive .It is beyond my capacity.
L:It’s almost the lowest prices in beijing ,for shijingshan district is in the fifth round in beiing .
J: I heared that the government have taken measures to control the rising housing prices, it’s still so high!
L: Though these measures have a little function ,we can not have enough money to buy a house in beijing !
J: I have to wait for some time for the decrease of the housing .
L: You can buy a house in some smaller city which prices is much lower .
J: But my career is in beijing and I like this city .Thanks for your advice .
L: That ‘s my pleasure !
J:See you later !
L: See you !
4 S：Hello.Mr Smith
T:Hi ,Lily.
S: I wonder if you have time this weekend .
T: Nothing special .What’s up ?
S: This weekend is the spring festival. Would you like to celebrate it with my family together?
T: I’d love to .You know I ‘m facinated with Chinese tradition .
S: Yeap . Spring festival is the most important holiday for chinese which every family will be well prepared for it .
T: Just like our Christmas Day.
S:Yes ,but the way of celebratin is different including the food .we’ll sreve you the dumlings .
T: That’s great .I like it very much .It’s very delicious.
S: We will also let off fireworks to express our hapiness.
T:Oh it’s wonderful , I think I will have a great time this weekend .what time will we begin ?
S: At seven o’clock in our house . I’ll you take you that time .
T:Thanks a lot .Oh, I remember that I have an important date now ,I must go now .See you then !
S: See you !
5.Q: Excuse me
A: yes?
Q: Could you tell me how to get to the bird’s nest ? I’m a stranger here.
A: Sure ,take line 1 subway ,then transfer it at fuxingmen station ,then take line 2 ,and get off at andingmen station .Then you’ll change the bus 407, and stop at aotiximen bus atation ,you’ll see it .
Q: Line 1 ,and line 2 ,then bus 407 . I’m afraid I will forget it soon . A: Maybe ,but it’s the simplest and shortest way there.
Q: OK, I have got a piece of paper ,I can write the way on it .Could you tell me again ?
A: Sure , take line 1 subway ,then transfer it at fuxingmen station ,then take line 2 ,and get off at andingmen station .Then you’ll change the bus 407, and stop at aotiximen bus atation ,you’ll see it.
Q: How long will it take ?A: About one hour .Q:Thanks a lot .but where is the subway entrance?
A: Hmm, go down this street then turn left at the first turning , the logo of the entrance is marked.
Q: Oh ,good ,well ,thank you very much .
A: Not at all.
范文三：英语对话幽默版
1、 I:Good morning ,everyone! My name is Lily , I’m honored for this interview .
B: Good morning ,let’s calm down then we ‘ll start our question . Why are you interested in
working for our company?
I:Because your operations are global, so I feel I can gain the most from working in this kind
of environment.
B: Why did you leave your former company?
I: Because I want to change my working environment, I'd like to find a job which is more
challenging.
B: Have you done any work in this field?
I:Yes ,my major is on it .
B: What are your geart strenghs?
I: I'm a hard-working, persistent person.
B: What's you major weak point?
I: I haven't been involved in international business, so I don't have any experience,but I have
enough confidence for the challenge!
B: In what specific ways will our company benefit form hiring you?
I: I'm very familiar with this market and have many customers. I think your company will
benefit from it.
B:OK, If we hire you ,we’ll give you a call .
I: Ok ,I'll wait for it !
2、 A:Hello ,Kate!
B:Hello.Lily .
A: You look upset ,I heared you have a blind date this morning. How about it ?
B: Nothing could be worse than it .It’ s boring .
A: Oh ,It’s the boy disgusting or what?
B: He is ugly, uneducated and impolite.
A: He must terribly treat you , what does your conclusion come from?
B: He critised my clothing and my hairstyle.He also said I should lose my weight.
A: Oh ,what an annoying boy ,He shouldn't be so impolite .
B: Not only for this ,he is mean and he haven’ t pay the bill yet .
A: Oh, you have a bad luck today , but do not mind ,you ‘ll never meet him again!
B: Be sure of that ,as well as the blind date !
A: Don’t be so discouraged , You fortune will come some day ,and you ‘ll find your Mr Right !
B:I hope so !
A: Oh ,it’s time for me to go for a meet .see you !
B:See you !
3、 J:Hi, Jack ,it ‘s a loog tiome to see you ,how about you these days?
L:Not bad ,how are you ?
J: Fine ,Could you give me some information about the housing prices in beijing
L:You are asking the right person .My colleague bought a house in beijing last month.
J: Where did he buy his house ?
L:In shijingshan district .
J: How much is it?
L: 20,000yuan per square meter .
J:It’s too expensive .It is beyond my capacity.
L:It’s almost the lowest prices in beijing ,for shijingshan district is in the fifth round in beiing . J: I heared that the government have taken measures to control the rising housing prices, it’s still
so high!
L: Though these measures have a little function ,we can not have enough money to buy a house in beijing !
J: I have to wait for some time for the decrease of the housing .
L: You can buy a house in some smaller city which prices is much lower .
J: But my career is in beijing and I like this city .Thanks for your advice . L: That ‘s my pleasure !
J:See you later !
L: See you !
4 S:Hello.Mr Smith
T:Hi ,Lily.
S: I wonder if you have time this weekend .
T: Nothing special .What’s up ?
S: This weekend is the spring festival. Would you like to celebrate it with my family together? T: I’d love to .You know I ‘m facinated with Chinese tradition .
S: Yeap . Spring festival is the most important holiday for chinese which every family will be well prepared for it .
T: Just like our Christmas Day.
S:Yes ,but the way of celebratin is different including the food .we’ll sreve you the dumlings .
T: That’s great .I like it very much .It’s very delicious.
S: We will also let off fireworks to express our hapiness.
T:Oh it’s wonderful , I think I will have a great time this weekend .what time will we begin ? S: At seven o’clock in our house . I’ll you take you that time .
T:Thanks a lot .Oh, I remember that I have an important date now ,I must go now .See you then ! S: See you !
5.Q: Excuse me
A: yes?
Q: Could you tell me how to get to the bird’s nest ? I’m a stranger here.
A: Sure ,take line 1 subway ,then transfer it at fuxingmen station ,then take line 2 ,and get off at andingmen station .Then you’ll change the bus 407, and stop at aotiximen bus atation ,you’ll see
it .
Q: Line 1 ,and line 2 ,then bus 407 . I’m afraid I will forget it soon .
A: Maybe ,but it’s the simplest and shortest way there.
Q: OK, I have got a piece of paper ,I can write the way on it .Could you tell me again ?
A: Sure , take line 1 subway ,then transfer it at fuxingmen station ,then take line 2 ,and get off at andingmen station .Then you’ll change the bus 407, and stop at aotiximen bus atation ,you’ll see
it.
Q: How long will it take ?A: About one hour .Q:Thanks a lot .but where is the subway entrance? A: Hmm, go down this street then turn left at the first turning , the logo of the entrance is marked. Q: Oh ,good ,well ,thank you very much .
A: Not at all.
范文四：幽默英语笑话对话
幽默英语笑话情景对话
字体大小:大 中 小 weik wang 发表于 2007-08-11 17:30评论50条 阅读42163次
有一天，俺商店里来了个外国人买西餐料。他选好一样东西，俺就在计算器上摁出价钱给他看。当然俺有点不好意思了，而且俺还会句英语。
于是 ，俺就对他说:
“I am sorry”。
“I am sorry， too” 外国人回答。
“I am sorry three” 我道。
“What are you sorry for?” 外国人问。
“I am sorry five” 我说……
男:Can I buy you a drink?(我可以为你买一杯饮料吗,)
女:Actually I''d rather have the money.(不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。 )
经典对话二:
this seat empty?(直译:这个座位是空的吧,)
女:Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.(是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。)
经典对话五:
男:Haven''t I seen you some place before?(我好像以前在什么地方见过你,)
女:Yes. That''s why I don''t go there anymore.(是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。)
经典对话六:
男:Will you go out with me this Saturday?(这个星期六你想跟我出去吗,)
女:Sorry. I''m having a headache this weekend.(抱歉。这个周末我头疼。)
男:Can I have your name?(直译:我能有你的名字吗,)
女:Why? Don''t you already have one? (为什么,你不是已经有一个了吗,)
经典对话三:
男:I''m a photographer. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)
女:I''m a plastic surgeon. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)
经典对话四:
经典对话七:
男:I think I could make you very happy.(我想我能让你非常快乐。)
女:Why? Are you leaving?(是吗,你是说你要离开,)
1. TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
2. TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. We always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
3. TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other,
what would I have?
CLASS: Big hands!
4. TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours.
5. TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-feet snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.
On the
beach
沙滩上有趣的对话 A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. 一男于沙滩上裸晒。 For the sake of civility, and to
keep it from getting sunburned, 为了文明点，也因为怕太阳灼伤它he had a hat over his privates. 他给私处盖上草帽。 A woman walks past and says, snickering, 一女路过，窃笑道: "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your
hat." “如果你是绅士，你就应该举起草帽向女士敬礼” He raised an eyebrow and replied, 该男扬了扬他的一侧眉毛，答道: "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself." “如果你不这么丑的话，它会自动举起来的.”
[转]爆笑到抽筋的短笑话大集锦，个个经典，
挖哈哈,
发表于:2010-08-21 17:15:31
1.某晚，一裸男叫了一辆出租车，女司机目不转睛盯着看他，裸男大怒，吼道:你他妈没见过裸男呀～女司机也大怒:我看你他妈从哪儿掏钱～ 2.男女朋友睡一个房间，女的划了条线:过线的是禽兽。醒来发现男的真的没过线 ，女的狠狠打了男的一耳光:你连禽兽都不如～ 3.某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰:I am Hong TaoLiu，外宾曰:我他妈还是方片七呢～ 4.仔仔被爸爸修理了，他跑去找妈妈诉苦:“妈妈，有人打你儿子你会怎样,” 妈妈:“我会打他的儿子报仇～” 仔仔:“……” 5.一位老太太不识字，但喜欢听收音机，气象预报每天必听。一天吃饭时问家人:“我有个问题想问问，你们知道局部地区在什么地方,那儿差不多天天有雨。” 6.悬崖上一只小老鼠挥舞着短短的前爪，一次又一次跳下去，努力学习飞翔，旁边母蝙蝠看着它摔的头破血流，忧心的说:它爹，要不告诉它，它不是咱亲生的～ 7. 和朋友到泰山顶看日出，一个朋友指着天空说:“我看见了～”“我也看见了～”这时远处有人提着裤子出来骂道:“看见就看见呗～你们嚷什么啊～”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ,(幽灵:上帝，我下次投胎想和天使一样全身洁白，并且带着一对翅膀，但我仍然想吸血。 上帝:那你投胎做护舒宝吧。,(有个朋友第一次勤工俭学在公园里卖冰棍，不好意思吆喝;这时候突然有一人在那里大喊:“卖冰棍儿~~~~卖冰棍儿~~”。那朋友一听，心里可高兴了，就跟着喊:“我也是~~~~我也是~~~~”。,(蚂蚁和大象结婚不久，大象就死了。蚂蚁一边埋大象，一边痛哭:“亲爱的，你怎么这么早去了，我这辈子不干别的，就埋你了～”,(你男生暗恋一女生 鼓气勇气问那女生喜欢什么样的男生 “投缘的”女生答 ，连问几遍都是一样的答案 该男生泄气道:“头扁的行不行”。,(一日,我上气不接下气追赶末班车，一边追一边喊:师傅!师傅等等我呀~ 车窗突然有名乘客探出头来，慢条斯理的对着我说:悟空(你就别追了,(某天考生物，其中有一题是看鸟的腿猜出鸟的名字。某生实在不懂，生气的把卷子一撕准备离开考场。监考老师很生气于是问他:“你是哪
班的，叫什么名字,”某生把裤腿一掀，说:“你猜啊你猜啊。”,(漂亮的蒙古族女演员表演完后，领导上台接见，接着她的手，问寒问暖，半天也不肯放，亲切问道:你叫什么名字,该女演员激动地回答道“玛勒格碧.松首”,(一个人买了一个只会说俩字谁呀的鹦鹉，有一天主人不在家，有个换煤气的来敲门。 鹦鹉:谁呀。 答:换煤气的 鹦鹉:谁呀。 答:换煤气的 …… 主人回家门口躺个人，主人纳闷，这是谁呀 门内:换煤气的,(一人在路上看到一堆东西，蹲下闻了闻，说可能是便便，用手摸了点放嘴里舔了下，说，还真是便便，还好没踩到～~10(医生问病人是怎么骨折的，答:我觉得鞋里有沙子，就扶着电线杆抖鞋，我抖啊抖......有个人以为我触电了，便抄起木棒给了我两棒子。11(某教授在田间授课:“科学研究要不怕脏。。。”然后他蹲下来，用手指戳了一下地上的牛粪，然后把手指放到嘴里舔净(一同学忙说:“我不怕脏。。。”然后也用手指戳了一下地上的牛粪放到嘴里舔净教授:“另外还要善于观察，我刚才是用中指戳粪，但舔的是食指。。。”12(某公厕内，A君便秘，拉了好久都拉不出来，这时另一男子B君冲进来，刚蹲下就噼里啪啦的拉得好不畅快，A君听到后说:“伙计，真羡慕你呀，拉得这么痛快” B君说:“有啥好羡慕的，裤子还没脱呢……”13(某君正练习骑自行车，前面来了一个行人，某君惊慌，大叫:"站住～站住～"行人一楞急忙停下。怎奈某君骑术太差还是把行人撞倒。行人起身大怒:"你还叫我站住～你好瞄准是不是～"14.漂亮妹妹,2岁。一日，偶打电话给她的妈妈，小家伙接的电话。出于礼貌，我也要和她寒暄一下。“乖乖，妈妈呢,”“去花果山了～”“......”“乖乖，那你在做什么呢?”“阿姨你真逗，我不是跟你打电话呢，～” 同事的儿子，4岁。经典的一句话:“我小的时候......”15(公路上发生了一起车祸——乌龟踩伤了窝牛。警察正在调查事故原因说窝牛:乌龟是怎么撞到你的,正吊着石膏的窝牛惊惶未定地回忆道:我不记得了，当时他的速度太快了～16(一只北极熊孤单的呆在冰上发呆，实在无聊就开始拔自己的毛玩，一根……两根……三根……最后拔的一根不剩，他突然大叫…………好冷啊～～……………… 17(同事的女儿是个小美人胚子，从幼儿园回来她妈妈经常会问她:“美人儿，今天有人这么叫你了吗,”小小女孩子居然叹了口气:“估计他们看我看多了，也就不觉得我美了。” 18(一对夫妇避孕失败后生了一个小男孩，孩子一生出来就紧握拳头，一直笑个不停(护士把他的拳头一掰开(发现里面有一把避孕药，接着小男孩开口说话了:“你们两个想弄死我，没那么容易，哈哈哈哈(((((((((”19(两个男人去山上玩，一个人不小心失足掉下了山崖，同伴着急的喊:“兄弟，你怎么样，有没有事啊,”，只听到掉下去那个人回答:“我不知道，我还在往下掉呢~~~~~”20(我也顶,一男子骑自行车,不掌车把,双手抱在胸前,一交警看见后说:手掌好!该男子回答,同志们好!21( 猴子问狐狸，该怎样用一首歌形容大象放的那个屁,狐狸说:古巨基的<好想好想>蚂蚁听见说:“操，我还以为是动力火车的<当>了。”22(两兄弟被老虎追，弟弟实在跑不动了，就说:“哥，咱别跑了，和这畜生死嗑吧”哥哥说:“别扯蛋了，我跑不过它，能跑过你就行了。”23(面条被馒头海扁，找表哥方便面去报仇，方便面看见豆包就一顿暴打，回来后对面条说:放心，我把它屎都打出来了。24(一时髦女子走上公交车，见一空坐便掏出纸巾猛擦一阵，刚要坐不巧放一屁，旁边一男子笑道:“我KAO，真他妈干净，擦完还要吹吹”25(企鹅很无聊，于是想到北极去找北极熊玩 走啊走，走了很多年，快到了，突然想起来家里煤气没关好 于是返回，走啊走，又走了很多年，关好煤气，又出发，又走啊走，又走了好多年 好不容易来到了北极熊的门口，敲门: ——北极熊～出来玩～ 北极熊: ——不玩。26(初中，某数学老师讲方程式变换，在讲台上袖子一挽大声喝道:同学们注意～我要变形了～……27(某法官斜视，一日审判甲乙丙三个犯罪嫌疑人， 法官对甲说:“东西是你偷的吗,,” 乙答:“不是” 法官大怒:“我没问你。” 丙道:“我也没说什么呀。”28(飞机上，乌鸦对空姐说:"给爷来杯水" ,猪听后对空姐说:"给爷也来杯水!" 空姐听后,把乌鸦和猪一起从飞机上扔下来. 乌鸦笑着对猪说:"傻了吧,爷会飞~~~~29(有只兔子走进一家店里问老板:你们这儿有没有胡萝卜卖,老伴说:没有。过了一会儿兔子又来问:你们这儿有没有胡萝卜卖,老板不耐烦的说没有～过了一会儿兔子又来问了，老板终于忍无可忍:你要是再来捣乱我就拿把剪刀把你的耳朵剪了～ 过了一会儿兔子又来了:你们这儿有没有剪刀卖,老板说:没有。兔子又问:你们这儿有没有胡萝卜卖……30(魔王抓住了公主 魔王说:你尽管叫破喉咙吧，没有人会来救你的～ 公主:破喉咙，破喉咙～ 没有人:公主，我来救你了～ 魔王:说曹操曹操就到～ 曹操:魔王，你叫我干嘛, 魔王:哇呀，看到鬼了～ 鬼:靠～被发现了( 靠:胡说，谁发现我了, 谁:关我屁事～ 魔王:oh,my god! 上帝:谁叫我,～ 谁:没有人叫你啊～ 没有人:我哪有～～～ 据说魔王从此得了精神分裂症(31(一个国王要替公
主征婚，把一个苹果放在公主头上，谁要把它射中就有机会迎娶公主。 第一个男士把苹果射中，他说:“I’m 罗宾。” 第二个男士也把苹果射中，他说:“I'm 后羿。” 第三个男士不小心把公主射死了，他说:“ I'm sorry..."32(某人在精神病院实习，忽一神经病患者手持一把菜刀向他追来，这人转头就跑，直到跑到一条死胡同，心想这下完了，那个病人说:给你刀，该你追我了。33(空姐劝乘客系安全带 “上次飞机迫降没系安全带的都摔的血肉模糊。” 问:“那系了安全带的那,,” 答:“没事，都坐的好好的，跟活人一样。”34(某学校新建一雕塑---少女左手捧书右手举一白鸽。校领导向校内学生公开召集名字。一时间回复络绎不绝，其中一名呼声最高:读书顶个鸟用～35(太阳给草打电话 太阳:喂，草你吗,我日。 草:我草，你谁啊, 太阳:我日啊 草:我草，你到底谁啊 太阳:我日啊，你草吧 草:TMD，你到底是谁啊，我草 太阳:我日，我日啊 草:我草。 太阳的妈妈抢过电话:草，我日他妈，草你妈好吗,36(男女朋友一起去逛街， 女朋友:哎哟，脚好酸哦。 男朋友很紧张:怎么了,是不是踩到柠檬了,37(小熊问小白兔:"你掉毛吗?"小白兔说:"不掉",小熊又问:"你真的掉毛吗?"小白兔说:"真的不掉",于是小熊拿小白兔擦屁股.38(小白兔到面包店里:老板，有一百个小面包吗,老板:没有。 第二天小白兔又来了:老板，有一百个小面包吗,老板:不好意思，没有。 第三天小白兔一进门:老板，有一百个小面包吗,老板:真是太不好意思了，还是没有。 第四天小白兔蹦蹦跳跳就来了:老板，有一百个小面包吗,老板:太好了～今天有一百个小面包~～ 小白兔:太好了～给我来两个～39(父子二人坐公交车。 儿子:爸爸，什么时候到啊, 父亲:停了就到了。 儿子:什么时候停啊, 父亲:到了就停了。40.有一个人和一只老虎被分别绑在两颗大树上，绑老虎的绳子下面有一棵蜡烛 ，就快把绳子烧断了，如果绳子被烧断，老虎就会把人吃掉，结果人说了一句话，就没被老虎吃掉 他说“happy birthday～～”老虎就把蜡烛吹灭了(((41( 狼刚失恋，觅食时路过一间小屋，听到一男人教训自己的孩子:“再哭，就把你扔出去 喂狼小孩在屋里哭了一夜，狼在外面守了一夜，早上起来，狼哽咽得说:男人，男人都是骗子～～～42.女孩问男友"你到底喜欢我哪一点啊" 男友被缠得没办法"我我我我喜欢你离我远一点"43. 第一天，小白兔去河边钓鱼，什么也没钓到，回家了。 第二天，小白兔又去河边钓鱼，还是什么也没钓到，回家了。 第三天，小白兔刚到河边，一条大鱼从河里跳出来，冲着小白兔大叫: 你他妈的要是再敢用胡箩卜当鱼饵，我就扁死你～44.某君第一次坐飞机,恐惧,不敢睁眼,15分钟后睁眼,往窗外看,大叫:"哎呀,飞的真高,人都象蚂蚁一样.!" 邻坐道:"那就是蚂蚁,飞机还没起飞."45.女友发短信给我:“我们还是分手吧～” 过一会，我又收到:“对不起，发错了～～”46.三毛去发型屋做发型，对发型师说:给我编个麻花辫。发型师不小心弄掉了三毛的一根头发。三毛叹口气说:那来个中分好拉。可是发型师不小心又弄掉了根。三毛一看火了:你丫的想让我披头散发,47.从前有一颗软糖，在街上走了很久，突然说:我的脚好软哦48.男: 你喜欢我吗? 女: 你猜. 男: 喜欢! 女: 你再猜.49.某精神病人在写东西,医生问:"写什么呢?" "写信." "写给谁?" "我啊." "写的什么呀?" "白痴,我还没收到怎么知道!?"50.一边......一边...... 小朋友: 他一边脱衣服,一边穿裤子. 老师批语: 他到底是要脱啊?还是要穿啊? 题目:其中 小朋友:我的其中一只左脚受伤了。 老师批语:你是蜈蚣吗, 题目:陆陆续续 小朋友:下班了，爸爸陆陆续续的回家了。 老师批语:你到底有几个爸爸呀, 题目:难过 小朋友:我家门前有条水沟很难过。 老师批语:老师更难过 题目:又 又 小朋友:我的妈妈又矮又高又胖又瘦。 老师批语:你的妈妈 是变形金钢吗, 题目:你看 小朋友:你看什么看!没看过啊 ? 老师评语: 不要太拽了 题目:欣欣向荣 小朋友写: 欣欣向荣荣告白. 老师评语:连续剧不要看太多了! 题目 : 好吃 小朋友写: 好吃个屁. 老师:......... 题目: 天真 小朋友写: 今天真热. 老师评语: 你真天真 题目: 果然 小朋友说: 昨天我吃水果.然后喝凉水 老师评语:是词组,不能分开的 题目:先......再...... 例题 :先吃饭,再洗澡. 小朋友:先生,再见! 老师评语:................. 题目:况且 小朋友:一列火车经过，况且况且况且况且 老师批语:我死了算了
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A
penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says:
"God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一
百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"
多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很
喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心
地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝
并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
呵呵,一个比一个效率高.
Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!
拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要
满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永
远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实
现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东
西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"
My Baby Swallowed a Bullet
Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ?
Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."
Notes
1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹
2. to point at: 对...瞄准
allybaby
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites
of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the
emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then
the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I
do next?"
两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说:“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问:“第二步怎办,”
那些年我们一起上的学
(1)语文考完了，我哭了。数学考完了，我发现我哭早了。
(2)医生，我最近睡不着心情坏，吃不下饭，我肿么了? 医生问:你今年多大了? 我:15岁。医生说:你作业没做完吧....
(3)从小到大，升旗时注意力不是在国旗上，而是看看国歌奏完时，国旗是不是正好停在杆顶...
(4)经常指着课本上丑的图片对同桌说，看，这是你。同桌就翻遍整本书寻找比这个更丑的图片说，看，这是你～.....
(5)这次考试考得很不错啊，只挂了两科，文科and理科?......
(6)老师说:快要中考了，早恋的就不要吵架了，以免影响心情;没早恋的
就不要表白了，以免被拒绝影响心情....
(7)到开学还未写假期作业的同学，一定能成就大事，因为他们比一般人沉着冷静，临危不乱，心静如水～....
(8)假期作业其实就是你写一个月， 老师写一个阅.....
(9)小学上课费嘴，初中上课费笔，高中上课费脑，大学上课费流量。。。...
(10)上学的时候总想玩电脑，放假了只能对着电脑发呆.....
(11)在十几年前的一个,月,号，我手舞足蹈眉开眼笑的背上小书包，屁颠屁颠的走进学校，从此踏上了一条不归路...
(12)我有一个梦想。一张试卷只有5个填空题，学校____科目____班级____姓名____学号 ____。每空20分。 ...
(13)小时候,我认为8点是最晚的时间,到了初中,我发觉9.30该睡觉了,现在,每天晚上看下时间,切,才12点.~...
(14)每一次下课的【老师再见】 都比上课的【老师好】的声音要大得多......
(15)不要和父母吵架。因为你吵不赢的时候只有挨骂，当你吵的赢的时候只有挨打了。听话吧～...
(16)考试就像得了病一样,考前是忧郁症,考时是健忘症,考后病情开始好转,拿回卷子时,心脏病就发作了....
(17)突然想到一个很严肃的学术性问题，是谁把60分定为及格的,～,.
范文五：幽默英语笑话情景对话
幽默英语笑话情景对话
字体大小：大 中 小 weik wang 发表于 2007-08-11 17:30评论50条 阅读42163次 有一天，俺商店里来了个外国人买西餐料。他选好一样东西，俺就在计算器上摁出价钱给他看。当然俺有点不好意思了，而且俺还会句英语。
于是 ，俺就对他说：
“I am sorry”。
“I am sorry， too” 外国人回答。
“I am sorry three” 我道。
“What are you sorry for?” 外国人问。
“I am sorry five” 我说……
男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）
女：Actually I''d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。 ）
经典对话二：
this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）
经典对话五：
男：Haven''t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）
女：Yes. That''s why I don''t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地
方的原因。）
经典对话六：
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）
女：Sorry. I''m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）
男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）
女：Why? Don''t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）
经典对话三：
男：I''m a photographer. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：I''m a plastic surgeon. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
经典对话四：
经典对话七：
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）
1. TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
2. TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. We always say,
ELLEN: All right...
3. TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS: Big hands!
4. TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours.
5. TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-feet snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.
On the
beach 沙滩上有趣的对话 A man was sunbathing naked at the
beach. 一男于沙滩上裸晒。 For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, 为了文明点，也因为怕太阳灼伤它he had a hat over his
privates. 他给私处盖上草帽。 A woman walks past and says, snickering, 一女路过，窃笑
道：
hat.
[转]爆笑到抽筋的短笑话大集锦，个个经典，
挖哈哈～
发表于：2010-08-21 17:15:31
1.某晚，一裸男叫了一辆出租车，女司机目不转睛盯着看他，裸男大怒，吼道：你他妈没见过裸男呀！女司机也大怒：我看你他妈从哪儿掏钱！ 2.男女朋友睡一个房间，女的划了条线：过线的是禽兽。醒来发现男的真的没过线 ，女的狠狠打了男的一耳光：你连禽兽都不如！ 3.某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am Hong TaoLiu，外宾曰：我他妈还是方片七呢！ 4.仔仔被爸爸修理了，他跑去找妈妈诉苦：“妈妈，有人打你儿子你会怎样？” 妈妈：“我会打他的儿子报仇！” 仔仔：“……” 5.一位老太太不识字，但喜欢听收音机，气象预报每天必听。一天吃饭时问家人：“我有个问题想问问，你们知道局部地区在什么地方？那儿差不多天天有雨。” 6.悬崖上一只小老鼠挥舞着短短的前爪，一次又一次跳下去，努力学习飞翔，旁边母蝙蝠看着它摔的头破血流，忧心的说：它爹，要不告诉它，它不是咱亲生的！ 7. 和朋友到泰山顶看日出，一个朋友指着天空说：“我看见了！”“我也看见了！”这时远处有人提着裤子出来骂道：“看见就看见呗！你们嚷什么啊！”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- １．幽灵：上帝，我下次投胎想和天使一样全身洁白，并且带着一对翅膀，但我仍然想吸血。 上帝：那你投胎做护舒宝吧。２．有个朋友第一次勤工俭学在公园里卖冰棍，不好意思吆喝；这时候突然有一人在那里大喊：“卖冰棍儿~~~~卖冰棍儿~~”。那朋友一听，心里可高兴了，就跟着喊：“我也是~~~~我也是~~~~”。３．蚂蚁和大象结婚不久，大象就死了。蚂蚁一边埋大象，一边痛哭：“亲爱的，你怎么这么早去了，我这辈子不干别的，就埋你了！”４．你男生暗恋一女生 鼓气勇气问那女生喜欢什么样的男生 “投缘的”女生答 ，连问几遍都是一样的答案 该男生泄气道：“头扁的行不行”。５．一日,我上气不接下气追赶末班车，一边追一边喊：师傅!师傅等等我呀~ 车窗突然有名乘客探出头来，慢条斯理的对着我说：悟空．你就别追了６．某天考生物，其中有一题是看鸟的腿猜出鸟的名字。某生实在不懂，生气的把卷子一撕准备离开考场。监考老师很生气于是问他：“你是哪班的，叫什么名字？”某生把裤腿一掀，说：“你猜啊你猜啊。”７．漂亮的蒙古族女演员表演完后，领导上台接见，接着她的手，问寒问暖，半天也不肯放，亲切问道：你叫什么名字？该女演员激动地回答道“玛勒格碧.松首”８．一个人买了一个只会说俩字谁呀的鹦鹉，有一天主人不在家，有个换煤气的来敲门。 鹦鹉：
谁呀。 答：换煤气的 鹦鹉：谁呀。 答：换煤气的 …… 主人回家门口躺个人，主人纳闷，这是谁呀 门内：换煤气的９．一人在路上看到一堆东西，蹲下闻了闻，说可能是便便，用手摸了点放嘴里舔了下，说，还真是便便，还好没踩到！~10．医生问病人是怎么骨折的，答：我觉得鞋里有沙子，就扶着电线杆抖鞋，我抖啊抖......有个人以为我触电了，便抄起木棒给了我两棒子。11．某教授在田间授课：“科学研究要不怕脏。。。”然后他蹲下来，用手指戳了一下地上的牛粪，然后把手指放到嘴里舔净．一同学忙说：“我不怕脏。。。”然后也用手指戳了一下地上的牛粪放到嘴里舔净教授：“另外还要善于观察，我刚才是用中指戳粪，但舔的是食指。。。”12．某公厕内，A君便秘，拉了好久都拉不出来，这时另一男子B君冲进来，刚蹲下就噼里啪啦的拉得好不畅快，A君听到后说：“伙计，真羡慕你呀，拉得这么痛快” B君说：“有啥好羡慕的，裤子还没脱呢……”13．某君正练习骑自行车，前面来了一个行人，某君惊慌，大叫：
死胡同，心想这下完了，那个病人说：给你刀，该你追我了。33．空姐劝乘客系安全带 “上次飞机迫降没系安全带的都摔的血肉模糊。” 问：“那系了安全带的那？？” 答：“没事，都坐的好好的，跟活人一样。”34．某学校新建一雕塑---少女左手捧书右手举一白鸽。校领导向校内学生公开召集名字。一时间回复络绎不绝，其中一名呼声最高：读书顶个鸟用！35．太阳给草打电话 太阳：喂，草你吗？我日。 草：我草，你谁啊？ 太阳：我日啊 草：我草，你到底谁啊 太阳：我日啊，你草吧 草：TMD，你到底是谁啊，我草 太阳：我日，我日啊 草：我草。 太阳的妈妈抢过电话：草，我日他妈，草你妈好吗？36．男女朋友一起去逛街， 女朋友：哎哟，脚好酸哦。 男朋友很紧张：怎么了？是不是踩到柠檬了？37．小熊问小白兔:
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says:
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says,
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:
呵呵,一个比一个效率高.
Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said,
拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:
My Baby Swallowed a Bullet
Young Mother:
Doctor:
Notes
1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹
2. to point at: 对...瞄准
allybaby
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the
emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:
两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”
那些年我们一起上的学
（1）语文考完了，我哭了。数学考完了，我发现我哭早了。
（2）医生，我最近睡不着心情坏，吃不下饭，我肿么了? 医生问：你今年多大了? 我：15岁。医生说：你作业没做完吧....
（3）从小到大，升旗时注意力不是在国旗上，而是看看国歌奏完时，国旗是不是正好停在杆顶...
（4）经常指着课本上丑的图片对同桌说，看，这是你。同桌就翻遍整本书寻找比这个更丑的图片说，看，这是你！.....
（5）这次考试考得很不错啊，只挂了两科，文科and理科°......
（6）老师说：快要中考了，早恋的就不要吵架了，以免影响心情；没早恋的就不要表白了，以免被拒绝影响心情....
（7）到开学还未写假期作业的同学，一定能成就大事，因为他们比一般人沉着冷静，临危不乱，心静如水！....
（8）假期作业其实就是你写一个月， 老师写一个阅.....
（9）小学上课费嘴，初中上课费笔，高中上课费脑，大学上课费流量。。。...
（10）上学的时候总想玩电脑，放假了只能对着电脑发呆.....
（11）在十几年前的一个９月１号，我手舞足蹈眉开眼笑的背上小书包，屁颠屁颠的走进学校，从此踏上了一条不归路...
（12）我有一个梦想。一张试卷只有5个填空题，学校____科目____班级____姓名____学号 ____。每空20分。 ...
（13）小时候,我认为8点是最晚的时间,到了初中,我发觉9.30该睡觉了,现在,每天晚上看下时间,切,才12点.~...
（14）每一次下课的【老师再见】 都比上课的【老师好】的声音要大得多......
（15）不要和父母吵架。因为你吵不赢的时候只有挨骂，当你吵的赢的时候只有挨打了。听话吧！...
（16）考试就像得了病一样,考前是忧郁症,考时是健忘症,考后病情开始好转,拿回卷子时,心脏病就发作了....
（17）突然想到一个很严肃的学术性问题，是谁把60分定为及格的？！？.
