和霭
范文一：唐伯虎点秋香,搞笑版英文台词
旁白 :one day , four scholars go o 了唐伯虎 : thank you thank you ,I’m the ut for sightseeing best
舞蹈开始(开场舞音乐) 二:
祝枝山 : we are four scholars in the 周文宾 : oh ,look ，a sexy girl southern part china . Today we are 文征明 : so beautiful waiting here for your sightseeing with the 周文宾 : she looks so longly ,Mr Tang , beautiful scenery . How about recite show us how to seduce her verses ? 唐伯虎 : en......en...... 祝之山:good idea . Mr Tang comes first . 祝枝山 : we believe you will not let us 唐伯虎 : ok , I think it's a good idea . down
众人感叹 : oh so many beautiful girl 周文兵&文征明 : yes
秋香走过，与唐伯虎四目相对，深情对望唐伯虎 : ok
直至离去。 周文宾&文征明&祝枝山: go go go 祝枝山 : hey come on ,what’s wrong with 如花出场
you 唐伯虎 : Hello ( 看到如山真面目)
文征明 : come on 唐伯虎 : may I learn on your scholar 唐伯虎: ok ，with water and hills , every 如花 : what ? no way I’m a girl I’m a plants look bright and beautiful rain and decent girl
shine , every moment appears pleasant 唐伯虎 : ok I see do you know and wonderful . tangbohu ?
祝枝山 : good ,you deserve the title of 如花 : tangbohu? Who is he? I don’t scholar know
唐伯虎 : ok ok how about this ? ten Mrs Hua and QiuXiang .
yuan and them let me learn on your 主持人:oh Mrs Hua , you are also so shoulder .It’s a deal young . Of course , QiuXiang you are so 如花 : 10 yuan ? just yuan? At least 100 beautiful .
yuan QiuXiang : thank you !
唐伯虎 : oh my lady gaga . you are ugly 主持人:do you have anything to say ? (对
monster 华夫人说)
如花 : ugly!!! Monster!!! (走人) Mrs Hua : i hope everyone can enjoy the 三 night . Thank you !
周文宾: what't that ? So many people .
祝枝山 : let's have a look . 下人 :this way , please !
文征明 : get away !(动作:推人) QiuXiang : mum, give him some tips . 唐伯虎 : it's her . I want to go to the (华夫人开始掏钱，先掏出100，马上收
party. 起来，再掏出1块就给了下人，下人鄙视
祝枝山: good idea ! I am sure you can do 了一下，甩甩毛巾走人，华夫人:切 。
it . 然后入座)
四 献花男 :in order to express my love to 主持人:oh ladies and gentlemen . I'm at QiuXiang , i wrote a love song for you . Hua'villa . Today here will hold the Blind Now i will sing this song . Music ~ Date Party . Oh my god ,look at the crazy Say a word in a heart , i have love too . the secne .so many people , let's guess who I love QiuXiang , you are my baby .(献花)
will be the lucky dog . Now , let's welcome 秋香闻了一下，丢掉，甩头……
Mrs Hua : next ! tell you . I have loved QiuXiang for a long 富二代出场 time . If i merry QiuXiang , I will give you 富二代 :my name is Gates Bill , and i'm more money in return . (同时掏出一叠
a billionaire just like Bill Gates .Look , 钱，递给华夫人) You don't let this poor this is Rolex (劳力士手表)，this is armani guy get QiuXiang .come on . I think you (阿玛尼西服)，this is gucci (包包) ，can do it .
and this is prand .....(转一圈) amazing Mrs Hua : of course , i know who can smell . I have won the fame and wealth . treat her better . You are the best . Mrs Hua : en i want to give him a pass (如花现)
card . 如花 :is QiuXiang more beautiful than QiuXiang : no no . I don't like him . me ? Do you remember we have two sons . Mrs Hua : why ? They are waiting for us , you , the sons' QiuXiang : no . I don't like him . bitch . Come on , right now ! (说完，如花
Mrs Hua : this , give you .this way , 拎着富二代的耳朵走了)
please . Mrs Hua : ei ......
(富二代看了一样秋香，送了一个香吻) 继续......唐伯虎&秋香在重温相遇，华夫人
唐伯虎出场 拉回秋香坐下。
QiuXiang : oh , it's you . Tang :QiuXiang , do you remember me ? Tang : yeah , it's me . The day we freshed past . And i fall in (两人开始煽情的一幕，同时，富二代与华love with you at first sight . Today , i 夫人交易中) should say . Once there was a true love in 富二代 :Mrs Hua , i have something to front of me . But i didn't cherish it . If god
can give me a second chance . I should say Mrs Hua : how do you finding her in such
three word to you , I love you ～ (华夫人a short time . 感动的泪流满面......) QiuXiang :i always use piaorou(飘柔) QiuXiang :i see you . I'm waiting for you Tang :show me the way . so long time .
Mrs Hua : now , i think you are the winner .
Tang :thank you !
Mrs Hua : you must take good care f her . Tang :of course .
QiuXiang :i think we will have a happy future
Mrs Hua : we will hold the wedding right now . Let's prepare with it .
五
Mrs Hua : how about we have a game on your wedding ?
QiuXiang :game ? What's the game ?
Mrs Hua : it's a secret !
(婚礼开始，出现很多个秋香，站成一排，
唐伯虎被蒙上了眼睛，开始闻头发......)
Tang :oh , this's QiuXiang .
范文二：搞笑英文经典台词大全
搞笑英文经典台词大全
篇一:幽默英语笑话情景对话
幽默英语笑话情景对话
字体大小:大 中 小 weik wang 发表于 2007-08-11 17:30
评论50条 阅读42163次有一天，俺商店里来了个外国人买西餐料。他选好一样东西，俺就在计算器上摁出价钱给他看。当然俺有点不好意思了，而且俺还会句英语。
于是 ，俺就对他说:
“I am sorry”。
“I am sorry， too” 外国人回答。
“I am sorry three” 我道。
“What are you sorry for?” 外国人问。
“I am sorry five” 我说……
男:Can I buy you a drink?(我可以为你买一杯饮料吗,)
女:Actually I''d rather have the money.(不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。 )
经典对话二:
this seat empty?(直译:这个座位是空的吧,)
女:Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.(是的，如果
你坐下，我的座位就是空的。)
经典对话五:
男:Haven''t I seen you some place before?(我
好像以前在什么地方见过你,)
女:Yes. That''s why I don''t go there anymore.(是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地
方的原因。)
经典对话六:
男:Will you go out with me this Saturday?(这个星期六
你想跟我出去吗,)
女:Sorry. I''m having a headache this weekend.(抱歉。这个周末我头疼。)
男:Can I have your name?(直译:我能有你的名字吗,)
女:Why? Don''t you already have one? (为什
么,你不是已经有一个了吗,)
经典对话三:
男:I''m a photographer. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一
张像你这样的脸。)
女:I''m a plastic surgeon. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是整形外科医生。我也一直
在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)
经典对话四:
经典对话七:
男:I think I could make you very happy.(我想我能让你
非常快乐。)
女:Why? Are you leaving?(是吗,你是说你要离开,)
1. TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
2. TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with I.
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. We always say, I am.
ELLEN: All right... I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
3. TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS: Big hands!
4. TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I
don't expect you to keep yours.
5. TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-feet snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.
On the
beach 沙滩上有趣的对话 A man was sunbathing naked at the
beach.一男于沙滩上裸晒。 For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned,为了文明点，也因为怕太阳灼
伤它he had a hat over his
privates. 他给私处盖上草帽。 A woman walks past and says, snickering,一女路过，窃笑
道: If you were a gentleman you'd lift your
hat. “如果你是绅士，你就应该举起草帽向女士敬礼” He
raised an eyebrow and replied,该男扬了扬他的一侧眉毛，答
道: If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself. “如果你
不这么丑的话，它会自动举起来的.”
[转]爆笑到抽筋的短笑话大集锦，个个经典，
挖哈哈,
发表于:2010-08-21 17:15:31
1.某晚，一裸男叫了一辆出租车，女司机目不转睛盯着看
他，裸男大怒，吼道:你他妈没见过裸男呀～女司机也大怒:
我看你他妈从哪儿掏钱～ 2.男女朋友睡一个房间，女的划了条线:过线的是禽兽。醒来发现男的真的没过线 ，女的狠狠打了男的一耳光:你连禽兽都不如～ 3.某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰:I am Hong TaoLiu，外宾曰:我他妈还是方片七呢～ 4.仔仔被爸爸修理了，他跑去找妈妈诉苦:“妈妈，有人打你儿子你会怎样,” 妈妈:“我会打他的儿子报仇～” 仔仔:“……” 5.一位老太太不识字，但喜欢听收音机，气象预报每天必听。一天吃饭时问家人:“我有个问题想问问，你们知道局部地区在什么地方,那儿差不多天天有雨。” 6.悬崖上一只小老鼠挥舞着短短的前爪，一次又一次跳下去，努力学习飞翔，旁边母蝙蝠看着它摔的头破血流，忧心的说:它爹，要不告诉它，它不是咱亲生的～ 7. 和朋友到泰山顶看日出，一个朋友指着天空说:“我看见了～”“我也看见了～”这时远处有人提着裤子出来骂道:“看见就看见呗～你们嚷什么啊～”
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,(幽灵:上帝，我下次投胎想和天使一样全身洁白，并且带着一对翅膀，但我仍然想吸血。 上帝:那你投胎做护舒宝吧。,(有个朋友第一次勤工俭学在公园里卖冰棍，不好
意思吆喝;这时候突然有一人在那里大喊:“卖冰棍儿~~~~卖冰棍儿~~”。那朋友一听，心里可高兴了，就跟着喊:“我也是~~~~我也是~~~~”。,(蚂蚁和大象结婚不久，大象就死了。蚂蚁一边埋大象，一边痛哭:“亲爱的，你怎么这么早去了，我这辈子不干别的，就埋你了～”,(你男生暗恋一女生 鼓气勇气问那女生喜欢什么样的男生 “投缘的”女生答 ，连问几遍都是一样的答案 该男生泄气道:“头扁的行不行”。,(一日,我上气不接下气追赶末班车，一边追一边喊:师傅!师傅等等我呀~ 车窗突然有名乘客探出头来，慢条斯理的对着我说:悟空(你就别追了,(某天考生物，其中有一题是看鸟的腿猜出鸟的名字。某生实在不懂，生气的把卷子一撕准备离开考场。监考老师很生气于是问他:“你是哪班的，叫什么名字,”某生把裤腿一掀，说:“你猜啊你猜啊。”,(漂亮的蒙古族女演员表演完后，领导上台接见，接着她的手，问寒问暖，半天也不肯放，亲切问道:你叫什么名字,该女演员激动地回答道“玛勒格碧.松首”,(一个人买了一个只会说俩字谁呀的鹦鹉，有一天主人不在家，有个换煤气的来敲门。 鹦鹉:
谁呀。 答:换煤气的 鹦鹉:谁呀。 答:换煤气的 …… 主人回家门口躺个人，主人纳闷，这是谁呀 门内:换煤气的,(一人在路上看到一堆东西，蹲下闻了闻，说可能是便便，用手摸了点放嘴里舔了下，说，还真是便便，还好没踩到～
~10(医生问病人是怎么骨折的，答:我觉得鞋里有沙子，就扶着电线杆抖鞋，我抖啊抖......有个人以为我触电了，便抄起木棒给了我两棒子。11(某教授在田间授课:“科学研究要不怕脏。。。”然后他蹲下来，用手指戳了一下地上的牛粪，然后把手指放到嘴里舔净(一同学忙说:“我不怕脏。。。”然后也用手指戳了一下地上的牛粪放到嘴里舔净教授:“另外还要善于观察，我刚才是用中指戳粪，但舔的是食指。。。”12(某公厕内，A君便秘，拉了好久都拉不出来，这时另一男子B君冲进来，刚蹲下就噼里啪啦的拉得好不畅快，A君听到后说:“伙计，真羡慕你呀，拉得这么痛快” B君说:“有啥好羡慕的，裤子还没脱呢……”13(某君正练习骑自行车，前面来了一个行人，某君惊慌，大叫:站住～站住～行人一楞急忙停下。怎奈某君骑术太差还是把行人撞倒。行人起身大怒:你还叫我站住～你好瞄准是不是～14.漂亮妹妹,2岁。一日，偶打电话给她的妈妈，小家伙接的电话。出于礼貌，我也要和她寒暄一下。“乖乖，妈妈呢,”“去花果山了～”“......”“乖乖，那你在做什么呢?”“阿姨你真逗，我不是跟你打电话呢，～” 同事的儿子，4岁。经典的一句话:“我小的时候......”15(公路上发生了一起车祸——乌龟踩伤了窝牛。警察正在调查事故原因说窝牛:乌龟是怎么撞到你的,正吊着石膏的窝牛惊惶未定地回忆道:我不记得了，当时他的速度太快了～16(一只北极熊孤单的呆在冰上发呆，实在无聊就开始拔自己的毛
玩，一根……两根……三根……最后拔的一根不剩，他突然大叫…………好冷啊～～……………… 17(同事的女儿是个小美人胚子，从幼儿园回来她妈妈经常会问她:“美人儿，今天有人这么叫你了吗,”小小女孩子居然叹了口气:“估计他们看我看多了，也就不觉得我美了。” 18(一对夫妇避孕失败后生了一个小男孩，孩子一生出来就紧握拳头，一直笑个不停(护士把他的拳头一掰开(发现里面有一把避孕药，接着小男孩开口说话了:“你们两个想弄死我，没那么容易，哈哈哈哈(((((((((”19(两个男人去山上玩，一个人不小心失足掉下了山崖，同伴着急的喊:“兄弟，你怎么样，有没有事啊,”，只听到掉下去那个人回答:“我不知道，我还在往下掉呢~~~~~”20(我也顶,一男子骑自行车,不掌车把,双手抱在胸前,一交警看见后说:手掌好!该男子回答,同志们好!21( 猴子问狐狸，该怎样用一首歌形容大象放的那个屁,狐狸说:古巨基的<好想好想>蚂蚁听见说:“操，我还以为是动力火车的<当>了。”22(两兄弟被老虎追，弟弟实在跑不动了，就说:“哥，咱别跑了，和这畜生死嗑吧”哥哥说:“别扯蛋了，我跑不过它，能跑过你就行了。”23(面条被馒头海扁，找表哥方便面去报仇，方便面看见豆包就一顿暴打，回来后对面条说:放心，我把它屎都打出来了。24(一时髦女子走上公交车，见一空坐便掏出纸巾猛擦一阵，刚要坐不巧放一屁，旁边一男子笑道:“我KAO，真他妈干净，擦完还
要吹吹”25(企鹅很无聊，于是想到北极去找北极熊玩 走啊走，走了很多年，快到了，突然想起来家里煤气没关好 于是返回，走啊走，又走了很多年，关好煤气，又出发，又走啊走，又走了好多年 好不容易来到了北极熊的门口，敲门: ——北极熊～出来玩～ 北极熊: ——不玩。26(初中，某数学老师讲方程式变换，在讲台上袖子一挽大声喝道:同学们注意～我要变形了～……27(某法官斜视，一日审判甲乙丙三个犯罪嫌疑人， 法官对甲说:“东西是你偷的吗,,” 乙答:“不是” 法官大怒:“我没问你。” 丙道:“我也没说什么呀。”28(飞机上，乌鸦对空姐说:给爷来杯水 ,猪听后对空姐说:给爷也来杯水! 空姐听后,把乌鸦和猪一起从飞机上扔下来. 乌鸦笑着对猪说:傻了吧,爷会飞~~~~29(有只兔子走进一家店里问老板:你们这儿有没有胡萝卜卖,老伴说:没有。过了一会儿兔子又来问:你们这儿有没有胡萝卜卖,老板不耐烦的说没有～过了一会儿兔子又来问了，老板终于忍无可忍:你要是再来捣乱我就拿把剪刀把你的耳朵剪了～ 过了一会儿兔子又来了:你们这儿有没有剪刀卖,老板说:没有。兔子又问:你们这儿有没有胡萝卜卖……30(魔王抓住了公主 魔王说:你尽管叫破喉咙吧，没有人会来救你的～ 公主:破喉咙，破喉咙～ 没有人:公主，我来救你了～ 魔王:说曹操曹操就到～ 曹操:魔王，你叫我干嘛, 魔王:哇呀，看到鬼了～ 鬼:靠～被发现了( 靠:胡说，谁发现我了,
谁:关我屁事～ 魔王:oh,my god! 上帝:谁叫我,～ 谁:没有人叫你啊～ 没有人:我哪有～～～ 据说魔王从此得了精神分裂症(31(一个国王要替公主征婚，把一个苹果放在公主头上，谁要把它射中就有机会迎娶公主。 第一个男士把苹果射中，他说:“I’m 罗宾。” 第二个男士也把苹果射中，他说:“I'm 后羿。” 第三个男士不小心把公主射死了，他说:“ I'm sorry...32(某人在精神病院实习，忽一神经病患者手持一把菜刀向他追来，这人转头就跑，直到跑到一条
篇二:搞笑小学英语小品剧本
搞笑小学英语小品剧本《新守株待兔》
人物:农夫，兔子A，兔子B，大树。
农夫:I’m a farmer.(稍停顿)[走两步]A cool farmer.(掏出墨镜戴上)[冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，继续保持冷酷]Eh...When I was yong,I studied in Xu~~~~chuan Middle
School.So, I’m rich now～[开始展示名牌，边说边掏]Look～This is my modern
mobile——Nokia WC 250～This is my watch!This is my
MP3!These are my shoes——(夸张低沉地)ADIDAS!This is… [不经意地掏出一个苹果]Oh,sorry.[扔掉苹果]It’s this![从怀里掏出痒痒挠] Do you know what’s this,痒痒挠,No no no~~You are out!!It’s my modern——锄头~～～[看下表] It is
time to do some farming～[开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作]
树:I’m a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作，哼哼哈西～～～]I can dance![跳四小天鹅] Oh?There comes a rabbit! [引导观众看兔子A)。树站回后台]
兔子A:OK,I’m a rabbit. Now I’m just walking around here.
[农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子]
农夫:(惊喜地)Lunch～[扔掉痒痒挠]I will catch it～ [偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走]
[农夫跟在兔子后面。两个人走啊走。兔子突然回头。农夫假装看手表。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装看天气。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装打手机。两人继续走，兔子回头。这次农夫冷酷地把枪口对准了兔子。]
兔子A:Wahhhh~!(吓一跳)What do you want?
农夫:Huh…～I will kill U for lunch!
兔子A: Wah~~~~~~ [兔子跑，躲到树后面，农夫追到树前]
农夫:Where~ to go? Haha!
[农夫开了一枪“砰”(配音)。兔子在树后惊慌躲闪，没被打到。树做出受伤中弹状。 农夫又开枪，同上。 农夫开始加快频率，火力密集地开枪。兔子开始时惊慌躲闪，躲着躲着跳起舞来。树继续痛苦中弹状。]
兔子A[自我陶醉中，边跳舞边说]You can't hurt me!
You can't hurt me～
树:[痛苦万分地]But…you…Hurt me….[痛苦地慢慢挪动
到兔子背后]
[兔子继续兴奋地跳舞。农夫停止开枪，走到兔子面前，看
着它。 兔子猛然抬头发现]农夫:Ah ha~! Bye bye ! [举枪对
准兔子，开枪，没声音，看看枪，示意没子弹了。兔子见状，非常兴奋地大笑起来]
兔子A:Ha ha ha ha! You can’t kill me now～ [兴奋大笑，笑到抽筋，笑到后仰。突然头撞倒了后面的树] Wa ～[倒地]
农夫:OH! [很兴奋地过去两个手指提起兔子]My lunch , I caught you !!! [把兔子绑到树上。打呵欠]tired! I’ll eat you after sleeping.[倒地睡觉](打鼾的声音)
兔子A:[兔子很快醒了，看看四周，发现自己被绑了，
很惊讶]Where am I? What happened?
树:[指着农夫]He has caught you and wants to eat you.
兔子A:What?! I must leave here! But how can I escape,
[东张西望，看到农夫的手机]A mobile![解开绳子去看手
机]It’s Nokia WC 250! Wow,how fashion![放回原处。又自觉
地把自己绑在树上。 突然想起来]A mobile～Maybe I can call some one to help me～ [又不知不觉地把自己放出来，那起手
机][做出打电话的样子] (配音:拨电话) Hello,
兔子B:Hello!It’s Jenny.
兔子A:Hey Jenny～
兔子B:Oh,hey Mary!
兔子A:How are you?
兔子B:Fine,thank you.And U?
兔子A:I’m fine too!How are your parents?
兔子B:They are fine,thank you.And U?
兔子A:They are fine,too!How is your uncle?
兔子B:He’s fine,thank you!And U?
兔子A:He’s fine , too! How…
兔子B:Eh..eh..eh~wait.But why do you call me? If you
want borrow some money from me…NO WAY!!!
兔子A:No no no!I’m in danger now!Come and help me!!!
兔子B:But where are you?
兔子A:I’m under a tree!
兔子B:[边打电话边在附近走，经过兔子A面前，两个
人还没发现]What can you see around you?
兔子A:I see a rabbit …that looks exactly like you!
兔子B:A rabbit…like me… OK!I’ll find you.Just a second!Wait for me! I will help you!
[匆匆离开]
[兔子A 打完电话，小心翼翼地把手机放回农夫处，然后
又很自觉地要把自己绑回了树上]
兔子A:Haha!My friend will come and save me~!yeah! [兴奋过度，后仰，头又撞倒树上,倒地](虚弱地)Oh!Hurt! Call 110~Or 119?112?...Oh,forget it!I’m dying![作喉咙卡住声音，死去]
[兔子B上。]兔子B:I’m also a rabbit～I’m smart! I’m lovely! And I’m (作风情万
种)beautiful! (自我陶醉)[转头看自己右手边，却发现兔子A倒在地上]Oh,my!MaryI’m so sorry,Mary!I’m too late!5555555~~~~~~Mary![痛苦而夸张地转身敲打树]
树:Oh!Oh,don’t hit me.!Don’t hit me!I’m ~~brea~ken![朝地上倒，压倒兔子B]
兔子B:What?NO..NO!~~...I…can’t….breath……(作死了的声音)
[农夫一觉醒来。看见两只兔子] En..?Two rubbits! I
rememer I have caught just one?!Oh,thanks god!How lucky I
am![兴奋地一手提一只兔子，哼着小曲下场]
篇三:搞笑英语话剧剧本
搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
搞笑5人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表:
西门吹雪
叶孤城
花满楼
king
旁白
道具:牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕:决战紫荆城之颠
旁白:A quiet villageiscoveredwithwhitesnow .
Birdsaredancinginthecold .
Amaniswalkingalongthestreet ,stepbystep .
Windiscominginsilence.
Another mysteriousmanapproaches .
Y与X相遇(
X:oH ,Iamsorrytoknockyou !
Y:Haha, Nevermindbaybay.
X:Excuseme， whoareyouonearth? couldyoutellmeyourname?
Y:ha ha ,Iwon’tchangemyname! nomatterwhathappens. I’
mthemostfamous-------YeGucheng.
Whoareyou?X:Iamximenchuixue.
Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?
X:Yes,whatiswrong?
Y:IheardthatyouarethebestingMartialArts?
X:Great, youknowme !
Y抱腿:Please, please…… Don’tkillme! letmeyougo!
X:No, Imustkillyou !
Y:Idon''''''''''''''''twanttobekilled.Thereare aeighty-year-oldmotheandathree-yearold sontobelookedafterbyme!X:Noway!
Becausewearefightingnow!youknow?
Y突然站起冷冷的说:
Don''''''
;''''''''''t forceme!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X抢过牛奶:milk, verygood! Ilikedrinkingit. howdoyouknowthat?
Y:pleasedrinkit!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,ha
Y:Doyoustillwanttokillme?
X:Sure, must! milkismilk.
Y(恼怒+冷酷):Verygood! verygood! Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!?
X:I’msureIwon’t!
Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfIdon''''''''''''''''tbeatyourthistime, you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1-0!
X捂着肚子，蹲下:Oach,Oach !
Y大笑:HaHa……
X可怜状: help! help! Whereisthewashroom?
Y:What ?
X:Toliet?
Y:What ?
X:The “WC”?
Y:Oh,I
see ,goalongthisstreetandturightwhenyouseeacorssingroad!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y掏出纸屑吹:Thisisgenuirnesnow!
H:Stop!Protectingtheenvironmentisabasicobligation!
Y:Whoareyou?
H:Hua---man----lou! Haveyouseenximenchuixue?
Y:Yes, hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC” now,ha……
H惊讶:Nowyouarethebestintheworld!
Y:Youareright!
H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor! doyouwantjoininus?
Y:Yes,It’sverygood.
H:Ok, followme, Let’sgotoseemyking!
Y:Ok,Let’s go!
第二幕:无间道
H:Mydearest ! letmeintroduce yeguchengtoyou! (指Y)
thisisyegucheng.
K:sitdownplese, yegucheng.
H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenssuchascold
headache,sair and aids?
Y: Yes,Ido.
K: Huamanlou, come . puttheringonhisfinger!(音乐停)
X唱着上:Onlyyou……(看到戒子) thisringshouldbemine!
K:Butwhoareyou? whyshoulditbelongyou?
Y急切: king!
dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!huoxi(维语再
见)
K:huoxi? Whatdoesthatmean? ItisnotEnglish, isn’t it ?
Y:How clever……
X冷酷:yegucheng! comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!
Y抱X的腿:oldbrother ! Forgiveme!
X:Forgiveme? Why?
Y: Oncetherewasachangebeforeme,Ilostit. Ifthegodgivemeantherchance, I’lltellyou“I love you”,Iftheremustbea limited period,Ihopeitisthousandyear!
X:Youshall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can youtell
thelady’s“WC”!
Y:Ilikegoinglady’s
WC .I……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.(,又拿出一袋牛
奶)
X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!(我爱你的意思)
K: ayixidailu?What’sthemeaning? whyIalsocan’
tunderstandyou?
X:Youarestupid! Itmeans“I love you”.
K:Don’t saythat“you love me”. I’
llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!
X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You---kill----me?come, come…(,上去抓住K)
K:Fuckyou. Imustkillyou!
X:Howcanyoukillme? haha……
Y:Letmehaveatry! 3-2-1-0(X捂着肚子，蹲下)
K: thankyouverymuch, yousaveme. Now, I’
llgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyou
haveavacation.
Y:That’s good. butthereisonemorething. canyougivemea MM ?IwanttogoAmericanwithher.
K:ofcouse.Youaretheonewhohasthesimilartastewithme! Hahaha……小品剧本大全 Y:Hahaha-----
H:Where’ssomewhere?
K:What?
Y:Doyouwanttogolady’s“WC”?
X:Yes,I……I…… do.
H顶着摇头:X,no, no， youcan’tgotoLady’s “WC”.
Thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangointo ! becauseyouareX ! youarethe bestmanofChinesekongfu!
X: whatifI’mthebestintheword? !whyItrymybesttolivebutI’
mstillsomiserable ? whencanIgetmyfreedom?
mustbethedeadday ? !
K: youareright. onewillnotbecleveruntilthedayhedie. Inthatcase ,whywill you die in such a bad sorrow way !gointo theLady’s WC , thendie , comfortablly ! goahead !
H: you , stupid , bad behavior ! goaway !
K; why ? whydoyouhelphim ! whoacturallyareyou ?
H: myreal name isLuXiaofeng------the wifeofX .I’maspy.
K惊讶: !you---you---YouareLuXiaofeng ? X’wife ?
Y: Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou . atricker ! doyouknow, youarethefirst person who cheated me ! because of you ,Ideeide never believe anyone else ,including myself .you have destroyed my looking for you for many years ,just for today ! (轻声说),
willdie ,goandseehim ,please .
H扑倒在,的身边:,,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there
are much hope inthe fature and tomorrow is a goodbeginning !
K:what amoving story !I was impressed !
Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !
H: life isa progress ,and it is delight that itneedn’t resume !
(H忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，,吓跑.音乐《再见，
警察》起)
Y痛苦状:don’tleave me here , you know I love you and I have nothing except you now ,please notabandon me !realizethat I’m wrong .help me,I intend to be back ,helpme ,I keyyou ,beg you------help me . I’ll never dothat again !(Y死，音乐停)
(X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起)
H: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .
X:gohome ! ?
H:Tomorrow is another day !evenyou have thelast secondto live,youshould be alive ,not only for me , but for ourlove !
X:doyouwant melivealifeinsuchasorrow way ? ok , ok , Ipromise I willbealive for you .but !youknow, Ihavenot timeleft ,but you have ,promisethatyou will be happy everyday !Youmustdome this honor... promise meyou will survive... that youwillnevergiveup... nomatter what happens... no matter howhopeless... promise me now ,andnever let go of that promise.
H: I promise .
X:Never let go .
H:Ipromise . Iwill never let go ,
X.I''''''''ll never letgo.(X死)
H:be alive !yeah , bealive ! bealivewithout ahendance !lifecanbechanceliketimecangotoback . thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping ,
solifecancomefromthebeginning ! (H自刎，艰难的爬到X身
边死.音乐停。)
范文三：《大话西游》经典搞笑台词英文版
精品文档
《大话西游》经典搞笑台词英文版
9.可我怎会爱上一个我讨厌的人呢?请你给我一个理由好不
好?拜托!
But how can I fall in love with a person I hate? Please give me a reason, please!
10.爱一个人需要理由吗?不需要吗?需要吗?
We don't need any reason to love a person. Don't we? Do we?
11.你有多少兄弟姐妹?你父母尚在吗?你说句话啊!我只是
想在临死之前多交一个朋友而已.
How many brothers and sisters do you have? Are your parents alive? Speak up! I just want to make a new friend when I'm going to die.
12.所以说做妖就像做人一样,要有仁慈的心,有了仁慈的心,
就不再是妖,是人妖.
Being a devil is the same as being a human. We should be
kind. If we are kind, we are not a devil, we are a hybrid.
1 / 3
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13.爱一个人是痛苦的
Love means pain.
14.这样的话只是得到我的肉体,并不能得到我的灵魂
You can just get my body instead of my spirit. 15.曾经有一段真挚的爱情摆在我的面前,我却没有珍惜,直
到失去才追悔莫及.人世间最大的痛苦莫过于此.如果上天
再给我一次机会的话,我一定会对那女孩说三个字:我爱你.
如果非要在这段爱情前加个期限的话,我希望是一万年.
I have had my best love before, but I didn t treasure her. When I lost her, I fell regretful. It is the most painful matter in this world. If God can give me another chance, I will say 3 words to her --- I love you. If you have to give a time limit to this love, I hope it is 10 thousand years.
上一篇英语: 英语幽默:Three wishes 三个愿望下一篇英
语: 写英文情书的艺术查看更多关于幽默英语的文章网友
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双语幽默:成年人
雷人的不同年龄段的征婚标准
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数到一百再说
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3 / 3
范文四：10句经典台词的搞笑英文翻译
10句经典台词的搞笑英文翻译
小沈阳有10句经典台词逢场做戏必说,观众却也100听不厌乐不可支,这是为了什么呢?连西方文化专家都开始把中国发生的Xiaoshenyang Phenomena(小沈阳现象)作为搞笑案例来研究,这就需要把小沈阳的10句经典台词翻译成英语。我自己能做到的事情,从来不麻烦别人。我用三种方式来翻译。第一种是用在线翻译,谷歌一下,你就知道,翻译出来的结果时而精彩时而雷人。第二种是山寨版翻译,就是照直了译,别怕吓着。举例来说,歌曲《说句心里话》译为Say a Word
in Heart,其中的“你不扛枪我不杠枪谁来保卫咱妈”就是you don’t carry
gun I don’t carry gun who guard our mom,与谷歌翻译有一拼,颇具山寨风采。第三者方式是有身份证的人应该做的,就是按照我们从小学、中学到大学一直都在学的二外标准英语,简称学院版。
1.这是为什么呢?
谷歌版:This is why?
山寨版:This is why what?
学院版:Why is this?
2.准备好了么?Music!
谷歌版:Ready for it? Music!
山寨版:Ready well le-ma?谬贼!
学院版:Are you ready?音乐!
3.我只是一个普通的二人转演员。
谷歌版:I am just an ordinary actor二人转.
山寨版:I only am one ordinary errenzhuan play boy.
学院版:I am just an ordinary actor of “two person act”.
4.不要----不要----停----不要停,pia、pia地。
谷歌版:Not to stop ---- ---- ---- not to not to stop, pia,pia to.
山寨版:No want ——no want——stop——no want stop,屁啊、屁啊
滴.
学院版:Don’t, don’t…stop, don’t stop,啪啪地.
5.我的中文名叫小沈阳,我的英文名叫Xiao Shenyang!
谷歌版:I called the Chinese Small Shenyang, my English is called
Xiao Shenyang!
山寨版:My Chinese name called little shen sun, my English name
called 肖—申—样儿!
学院版:My Chinese name is 小沈阳, my English name is Xiao Shenyang.
6.走别人的路,让别人无路可走!
谷歌版:Take someone else’s road, to let others no way!
山寨版:Walk other
上一篇英语: 文化翻译和文化传真下一篇英语: 没有了查看更多
关于翻译点滴的文章网友同时还浏览了:
文化翻译和文化传真
如何取英文名是文化的一部分
口译名师教你制定五个月阅读训练
公共标志与说明中英文对照
珊瑚孝婆
高级口译上半场阅读理解第三篇原
man’s road, allow other man no way can go!
学院版:Follow others’ footprint, leave them no way to go.
7.我自己能做到的事,从来不麻烦别人。
谷歌版:I myself can do things other people never Troublesome
山寨版:I myself can do come thing, never no bother others.
学院版:Whenever I can deliver myself, I never bother others.
8.我也是有身份证的人。
谷歌版:Me too have the ID card people.
山寨版:I also am have body card people.
学院版:I am also somebody with an ID card.
9.世界是我们的,也是儿子们的,但最终是那帮孙子们的。
谷歌版:The world are U.S., but also sons, but the band are finally grandchildren’s.(翟华注:谷歌的这个翻译太雷人,居然把“我们”翻译为
“U.S.”,照这个翻译世界谁的也不是,是美国的。怕各位不信,所以截屏
示众)
山寨版:The world is ours, too is sons, but final end is that group of
grandsons.
学院版:The world belongs to us, but also to our children, but
eventually will belong to our grandchildren.
上一篇英语: 文化翻译和文化传真下一篇英语: 没有了查看更多
关于翻译点滴的文章网友同时还浏览了:
文化翻译和文化传真
如何取英文名是文化的一部分
口译名师教你制定五个月阅读训练
公共标志与说明中英文对照
珊瑚孝婆
高级口译上半场阅读理解第三篇原
范文五：搞笑：十句无厘头的圣诞英文电影台词
10,Deck The Halls 闪亮之屋
主演: Matthew Broderick & Danny Devito
年代: 2006
圣诞电影台词:
Buddy Hall: I want my house to be seen from space～
9,Jingle All The Way 圣诞老豆
主演: Arnold Schwarzenegger & Sinbad
年代: 1996
圣诞电影台词:
Myron Larabee: I work for the post office so you know I’m not stable～ Tell ‘em～
Howard Langston: This man is totally insane。
Myron Larabee: Thank you～
8,Eight Crazy Nights 八夜疯狂
主演: Adam Sandler
年代: 2002
圣诞电影台词:
Davey: Hey jelly jugs， next time you come to my gym you better wear a bra。
Whitey: He’s was just kidding son， you’ve got very nice breasts。
7,How The Grinch Stole Christmas 圣诞怪杰
主演: Jim Carrey
年代: 2000
圣诞电影台词:
Cindy Lou Who: Thanks for saving me。
The Grinch: [ stops in his tracks] Saving you， is that what you think I was doing? Wrongo( I just noticed
that you were improperly packaged， my dear。
[grabs wrapping paper and starts wrapping Cindy up]
The Grinch: Hold still。
[ to Max]
The Grinch: Max， pick out a bow。
[ to Cindy]
The Grinch: Can I use your finger for a sec?
6,Four Christmases 四个圣诞
主演: Vince Vaughn & Reese Witherspoon
年代: 2008 圣诞电影台词:
Jim: I’m not trying to be your father， I’m hoping for a chance to be your friend。
Brad: You were my friend， you were my best friend， but now you’re sleeping with my mom and it’s a little
bit weird for me。
5,Bad Santa 圣诞坏公公
主演: Billy Bob Thorton
年代: 2003
圣诞电影台词:
Sue: I’ve always had a thing for Santa Claus( In case you didn’t notice( It’s like some deep,seeded
childhood thing。
Willie: So is my thing for tits。
4,Fred Claus 圣诞老人兄弟
主演: Vince Vaughn & Paul Giamatti
年代: 2007圣诞电影台词:
Fred: Santa’s having some trouble getting the sled off the ground?
[his mother plugs her ears]
3—Mother Claus: [ singing] Jingle bells， jingle bells…#3 , A Christmas Story 圣诞故事
主演: Peter Billingsley & Darren McGavin
年代: 1983
圣诞电影台词:
Santa Claus: How about a nice football?
Ralphie as Adult:[narrating] Football? Football? What’s a football? With unconscious will my voice
squeaked out ‘football’。
Santa Claus: Okay， get him out of here。
Ralphie as Adult:[narrating] A football? Oh no， what was I doing? Wake up， Stupid～ Wake up～
Ralphie: [Ralphie is shoved down the slide， but he stops himself and climbs back up] No～ No～ I want
an Official Red Ryder Carbine,Action Two,Hundred,Shot Range Model Air Rifle～
Santa Claus: You’ll shoot your eye out， kid。
2,Elf 圣诞精灵
主演: Will Ferrell & James Caan
年代: 2003
圣诞电影台词:
Gimbel’s Santa: Now what can I get you for Christmas?
Buddy: Don’t tell him what you want， he’s a liar。
Gimbel’s Santa: Let the kid talk。
Buddy: You disgust me～ How can you live with yourself?
Gimbel’s Santa: Just cool it， Zippy。
Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies。
Gimbel’s Santa: Look， I’m not kiddin’。
Buddy: You’re a fake。
Gimbel’s Santa: I’m a fake?
Buddy: Yes～
Gimbel’s Santa: How’d you like to be dead， huh? Ho， ho， just kidding。
Buddy: You stink。
Gimbel’s Santa: I think you’re gonna have a good Christmas， all right。
Buddy: You smell like beef and cheese， you don’t smell like Santa。
1,National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
主演: Chevy Chase & Randy Quaid
年代: 1989
圣诞电影台词:
Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something toeat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere
and leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw， I’m doing just fine， Clark。
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